“Mothers are the members of society who need to be given the most permission to be able to do the things that ignite their souls. Because there’s some deep sense in the world that once you are a mother, your life belongs exclusively, entirely and only to your children.”

— Elizabeth Gilbert

I have to confess that it took me a long time to find myself again following the early years of motherhood. I had my two boys fairly close together and between mothering babies and toddlers, I kind of lost myself in that role. Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining. In fact, I wholeheartedly embraced it, like every fibre of my body yearned to become a mother until I was fortunate to be one.

Truthfully, I didn’t think about what to do beyond that. I was willing to let go, to devote and love someone else completely, that was beyond thinking about myself and fitting to my own needs. The selfless act of motherhood.

Then, of course, my boys grew older. They are still young, but old enough that they don’t need me 24/7. They learn to play together, offer each other companionship, even maybe secretly (and rather innocently) collude with each other to find their way of getting into or out of things regardless of their mum or dad’s approval.

All of this progressed naturally and gradually. It wasn’t like there was a single defining moment or signal. They just happened over the course of time. And similarly, so I began to emerge from that foggy period of sleepless nights or being on the constant run and providing to those toddlers’ needs.

I am still their provider and forever will be, but it’s different. It’s like with each stage that they claim their independence, I reclaim a bit of mine too….. And I realise that we are all learning. Quite a humbling thought if you think about it. Up until they both existed, I thought I was pretty independent but there I was having to re-learn about myself again. Not who I was, as who I am now.

Fast forward a few years and here I am. Finding myself on another path to the one I had pre-children. One that I could only dream of before, to wish and wonder. It’s been a journey I have to say. It’s not been easy being an artist or a creative entrepreneur. The questioning, guilt, or even self-loathing to finding a balance that met not just the needs of my family, but one of my own.

Being creative for me soothes that need and fills the void that once was deeply absorbed in filling the needs of someone else. And I’m learning to feel less guilty about it and even find becoming at peace with. That attending to myself doesn’t just benefit me, it benefits those around me too.

I came across Elizabeth Gilbert’s quote above. I think it’s a good reminder as a mother and creative that even with the selfless acts we do for our children, we must tend to ourselves, whether it is through our creativity or something else. It helps us replenish and nourish our souls.

This post is a contribution to the Artefact Motherhood Project. Go to the next artist Kirsty Larmour and follow around our blog circle in our artists’ collaboration.

Diana’s online class ‘Making Art With Painterly Photographs’ (using freelensing) will be a part of Phlock’s Beyond the Ordinary summit and tickets can be purchased HERE.